Tuesday, November 24, 2015

A Brief And Obvious Point About Chip Kelly's Next Coaching Job

Jump, Thrust, Repeat
No one, with the possible exception of the people who root for said theoretical next cursed laundry, Gives A Flying F*** At A Rolling Donut where Kelly "works" next.

What brought this on? Listening to some dunderhead talk about a sliding puzzle game of Coach Roulette where various jobs are taken or opened to give the fat fraud a graceful SEC Prime exit, so he can make similar money and still get plenty of Tee Vee Time, preferably in a place where everyone on the roster is in economic thrall to him and never gives him a mean look, or has any trace of The Uppity. (This may include Uppity Friends.)

The theory goes that owner Jeff Lurie will never admit after just three years that this is an experiment that failed, and will not be reversing course, so we're all pretty much doomed to another 13 months of meaningless football in the second-worst division in football. (There's a thought for you: two of the four wins from this dumpster fire are in the division. They are actually *worse* that their record. Their 5-9 in the last 14 games record.) So the only way out is if Chump leaves.

Which gives Philly Fan just more to do in the home games that are left. Don't just do the lazy thing and chant "Fie Err Kell Lee!" with 5 hand claps and repeat. Instead, mix in the slightly meta "Ess - Eee - Cee!", "Pac, 10, Pac, 10, Pac, 10" and maybe the individual names of various colleges where the Chump can go next. Just make sure you are near one of those on field mics, never lapse into too-easy profanity, and know that you are, honestly, the only people who might actually get him to go. (Yeah, I know, it's a naive hope. I'm an Eagles Fan, it's what we do.)

As for the media geishas who seem to be finally waking up to the fact that Nero has no clothes, you can get in on the fun, too. Don't ask Chump about anything involving the game, since he's not going to tell you anything of value, anyway. Just ask him if he's quitting, if he thinks he'll be fired, or if he will be taking various open jobs. After you get his pissy denials, Leave The Room. He's got nothing of importance to tell you otherwise, and no one really wants to hear from him. So save yourself the aggravation and get on with your lives. Elsewhere.

Consider it a philosophical experiment. If a coach lies on a podium, but no one is there to hear it, does it really happen? And can the Silent Treatment cause a fraud in his '50s to go get a real job and leave home?

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