9) Do I have to eat like a giant baby and experience everything as a single person to fly Southwest?
8) If your idea of celebrating the holidays involves Home Depot, shouldn't you be in a support group?
7) When boxes run at you, isn't that a sign of, well, hallucinations and insanity, rather than joyful consumerism?
6) Wouldn't a jovial black guy playing a keyboard at a Wal-Mart get tossed?
5) Why is Santa so easily seduced and excited by new cars?
4) Did the NFL Network have to get a first grader to hype the Detroit game because there were no excited adult Lion fans?
3) Why would you want to eat pizza that was heavy to lift, or hate your body so much that you'd want to make it try to digest that?
2) Wouldn't the people who are prone to downloading phone games regard Arnold Schwarzenegger as comically old and ridiculous?
1) Have you ever met a child that was excited to receive a Hess truck, knowing that, on some level, it was just purchased at the last minute on the way to the house because you needed gas?