Sunday, December 6, 2015

Eagles - Patriots Diary

> RB Darren Sproles got the start over RB DeMarco Murray, in that HC Chip Kelly decided, for the hell of it, to start his best available RB

> The offense actually showed a pulse early, so, um, progress

> Tony Siragusa told the world that he won the Super Bowl, because the other 44 Ravens didn't matter

> Killer holding on Lane Johnson to stop the first drive as the New England defense got away with multiple DPIs

> A 2:40 drive with no points to start the game is about as fast a start as this offense can manage, really

> No real evidence that anyone on the defense wanted to try to tackle RB LeGarrette Blount, as they might require effort, or exposure to injury

> LB Connor Barwin with the porn moment sack on QB Tom Brady

> CB Eric Rowe defended a deep ball without a DPI, which was encouraging

> HC Bill Belichick demonstrated Frankenstein hands on the NFL's female ref

> Delay of game to start the Eagles' second series, which is damned near impossible, really, but amazing things happen in Foxboro

> RB Kenjon Barner with a 19 yard sweep, and he's yet another RB who is better than Murray

> Two carries to Murray for nothing, to prove that he still sucks

> Five offensive flags in two drives is hard to do, really

> If you need a QB to not threaten you on 3rd and long, Bradford is your man

> P Donnie Jones couldn't pin the Pats down, because the STs are horrible this year, too

> Flags against New England evaporate, which would irritate if it weren't so predictable

> Rowe seems to think that one foot in bounds is still good, like it was in college

> S Malcolm Jenkins with a 3-yard loss that showed actual spark

> Sacking Brady a second time, this one by DE Vinny Curry, was kind of fun

> With good field position and a tie game, it's a batted ball, nothing from Murray, and a hapless throw to nowhere to a street meat WR against no pressure for a 3-and-out series, just in case you thought this offense could stop being terrible

> WR Brandon LaFell is yet another guy that CB Brandon Maxwell will give a ludicrous amount of space to

> QB Tom Brady can ground the ball without flags, because he's Tom Brady

> Brady to TE Scott Chandler under pressure, because S Ed Reynolds does not belong in the NFL

> End of the first quarter and still tied makes this one of the the best opening quarters of the 2015 season

> Brady to RB James White for the kitten-soft TD to start the second, with the usual NE pick play

> Calling WR Nelson Agholor a non-factor is kindness; he's a stone-cold bust

> The answering "drive" from the Eagles was about as threatening as a baby with a butter knife

> Brady only needs to throw jump balls for big DPI flags

> The first 6 flags for 87 yards all went against the road team, which was, um, predictable

> You can call the QB sneak from Brady for the first down ten seconds before it happens, unless you are DC Billy Davis

> Shockingly, an offsides kick by the Patriots didn't work, but giving this offense better field position isn't usually risky

> Any give to Murray is a favor to the defense

> Actual long third down conversion against pressure by Bradford to WR Jeremy Matthews, just to prove Aesop's fable about blind pigs and acorns

> Holy crap, an actual touchdown for TE Zach Ertz, who of course nearly concussed himself while scoring

> Actual ballgame, kind of, 26 minutes in, which is an upset writ large

> Actual flag against the home team on the ensuing kickoff, which was encouraging to see, at least in theory

> Actual 3 and out from the defense, with Jenkins bodying up Amendola without a flag

> Third and 13 is a dump to Sproles that won't do anyone any good, other than to burn a Patriot timeout

> Fourth and 8 with NE getting the second half kickoff is kind of meaningful, and Kelly decides to... punt, gutlessly

> NE actually ran it, rather than go for the killshot, but the Eagle run defense is so very giving

> LB Brandon Graham with a sack, but DT Fletcher Cox goes down, because we can't have nice things

> Blocked punt and return for touchdown ties the game before the half, and holy, holy crap

> S Chris Maragos and LB Najeh Goode combine for one of the more surprising plays of the year

> First blocked punt touchdown allowed by NE in 97 games, and it's tied

> Boos from the NE crowd, who are the most spoiled creatures in the history of NFL fandom

> Poor kick by K Caleb Sturgis, but the STs are fired up and cover before the 20

> Big hit by Rowe on White to set up a third down, but Brady takes the cotton-soft sneak for conversion

> LB Kiko Alonso with a deflection, nice of him to show up

> Curry stops Brady after two for another third down chance to get off the field... and S Walter Thurmond with a hit before the sticks

> NE punts, and for the first time in weeks, it isn't a killshot long drive to end the game

> The first chance to take a second half lead since the Miami game actually happened... with Bradford lucky to not have a INT on an overthrow to Ertz

> Because 2nd and 10 isn't daunting enough, a give to Murray that, of course, gets nothing

> 3rd and give it back ASAP is a single target 3 yard out to Sproles, so, um, so much for that

> Jones with a terrible punt, so we're right back to NE back in control

> Easy completions, then a drop by Amendola before touchdown / fumble, and NE is just awash in their own mistakes

> White on the kitten-soft misdirection screen to get in the red zone

> Tempo actually doesn't work for them, with Jenkins making a play

> Pressure forces a throwaway, then Jenkins collects a tipped ball and gets a 100-yard pick-six, and man alive, is NE trying to keep Kelly employed or what

> Just a bad idea by Brady, a good play by Thurmond, and the Eagles lead a game where they have one offensive touchdown, six punts, and nine first downs in 37+ minutes

> Sturgis touchback, and if the defense really wants to go out and win this, here's your chance

> Such an obvious clip that it gets called sets up 1st and 20

> Brady tries Martin on a fly, no chance, and good coverage by Jenkins

> Amendola bubble for 9, then 3rd and 11 with actual promise

> Pass rush doesn't get there, Amendola converts, and dammit

> Graham with a sack despite holding, and the defense looks like they aren't ready to cave on a bad play

> Martin drops, setting up 3rd and 17, which is Brady taking 15 seconds to run 12 yards, which was kinda fun

> Sproles with the PR TD from 83 yards out, and holy crap, is the NE STs having the worst game ever or what

> I'm pretty sure this game has never happened before

> In one of the better NE ST plays of the day, KR stopped before the 20

> Blount twice for 7 yards, as NE tries to take advantage of an always on the field defense

> Third and get off the field is a trick play throw to Brady for 36 yards, and ye gads

> Brady goes for the end zone and throws a terrible pick, with Maxwell, of all people, stretching out for the pick

> Sproles for 7, as Kelly uses his best back for once

> Detention Mode already for Green as Sproles gets the first

> Sproles for 2, Detention Mode, then Barner for 6

> Green lets the clock run out for the third, and please, God, No Freaking Murray

> Third and 2 and grind the clock is Barner for the first, and even national media notices Murray sucks

> Detention Mode, Barner for 2, Murray in full pout on sidelines

> Barner for 5 on the World's Worst Screen, clock still running

> Bradford evades the pass rush and gets an obvious DPI call to convert the first

> Kelly gets away from the run, which isn't useful at all, and fails to kill clock

> Murray for 19, while still being infuriating by not sticking the end of the run, but another first down

> Detention Mode, then Murray for 3 sidewise as the offensive line is doing too much to put up with such nonsense

> Under 12 minutes and Sproles for six yards

> Third and 1 and do anything but turn the ball over is Detention Mode and a Patriot timeout

> Bradford to Matthews for the rollout score, and Green leads by 21 on the road with 11 minutes left, and this is Officially Insane

> Patriot Fan is leaving, because they are just the best fans in the whole world, just ask them

> A meek three and out for Brady and Co., because this is clearly Opposite Day

> Detention Mode makes less sense when the clock isn't running

> Sproles for 5, DM, then loses four because the OL isn't good enough to just dictate

> 3rd and 8 with 9 minutes left is a give up run to Barner, because Kelly doesn't want to trust Murray even now

> Punt with 8 minutes left and three scores is still a game

> ST flag for a re-kick, but even that works, since it takes more time off the clock

> NE huddling after a first is odd, but Brady taking another hit makes you wonder if he's long for this game

> Green prevent defense doesn't prevent much, with an easy drive and score ending on a throw to Chandler

> Remember, folks, the LB who can't cover Chandler on this play is worth the best RB in franchise history in trade

> Eagles 35, Patriots 21 with 5:27 left is far from done

> NE recovers the onside kick, because of course they do; Ertz with the complete fail

> Brady to Martin, but the WR drops it, another unforced error by Blue

> White for 12 as the pass rush isn't getting there, tackling also missing

> 3rd and 10 chance for defense to end it, with Alonso making a tackle

> 4th and 12 from the gun to White, all day to throw, Alonso falls to make the conversion easy

> Three plays later, Blue scores to make it a one score game, with Brady sneaking again

> Three minutes left, two NE timeouts, this is thoroughly winnable for the home team and shouldn't be

> Two terrible plays by Alonso have made this comeback tenable

> Third onside kick of the day by NE is knocked out of bounds by WR Riley Cooper, and that helps a little

> Run fake, Bradford keeps for a yard and makes NE burn a timeout; Sproles loses two, NE timeout

> 3rd and 11 with the chance to win the game is Bradford from the gun to Cooper, and of all people, Cooper with two huge plays to help late

> Sproles for two carries to burn clock, Green timeout with 73 seconds left at the NE 28

> Barner fumbles, because there's a reason why he's barely in the NFL, and NE recovers

> Brady has to go 75 yards in 62 seconds with no timeouts

> 3-man rush, home run ball try to LaFell on single coverage by Rowe, miraculously incomplete, and Davis left his rookie CB alone in that situation, because Billy Davis Eats Paste

> Near sack, near pick, neither happens because this game can not end

> First down to White, clock running, Brady stops it with 34 seconds left

> LaFell drops a slant, Amendola drops an out, fourth down is a drop by Martin and offensive holding and the goddamned game is OVER

> Bradford kneels, the Eagles win, Kelly's employed in 2016, the Eagles might be in first place again in a day, day is night, night is day, nothing has any meaning and what the blue hell, NFL, what the blue hell

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