Sunday, December 27, 2015

Eagles - Redskins Diary

Why Try Harder?
> First drive had a clean pocket for the early going, so QB Sam Bradford was accurate, with good work to TE Zach Ertz

> WR Josh Huff drew a DPI in the end zone, which is one of his biggest plays of the year, sadly

> RB Ryan Mathews for the score and lead, in a drive where RB Kenjon Barner hit the field, but RB DeMarco Murray does not

> Weak play-calling by the Slurs to not put pressure on the suspect DBs on two of three plays lead to a three and out

> Two inside gives to RB Darren Sproles moves the chains, and Green keeps the momentum

> RT Jason Peters with a false start, then Sproles for the same play for three yards that makes you wonder if HC Chip Kelly is feeling cocky

> Crashing fail with a sack as soon as Peters is on the sideline, and yeah, so much for momentum

> Long third down and Bradford takes the Sproles checkdown, which is defensible but far from palatable

> Poor punt sets up the Slurs at their own 31

> Blitz, doesn't get there, bubble screen, DB misses, first down as easy as pie

> Easy slant to TE Jordan Reed for 28, DB EJ Biggers not big or good enough to impede

> Play action to Reed for the tying touchdown, and there's post-whistle dumbness because S Malcolm Jenkins is a sorehead, and WR DeSean Jackson is good at irritating people

> Slurs miss the PAT, so, um, good I guess

> Murray for nothing, which is what he's worth, then gets three after contact as the fans boo, properly

> Third and 7 and offsides by the Slurs is missed, along with a blown screen and intentional grounding, for a three and out and loss of yards

> As bad of an offensive series as could be imagined, because, well, Murray was involved

> Jones with a 56-yard kick where the PR makes the first two guys miss, but not the third, for 51 yards of net

> Cousins with all day to throw and Jackson with the easy cross and catch to move the sticks

> Reed with the first as LB Mychal Kendricks continues the festival of missed tackles, and how the LBs are worse this year is a continuing mystery, other than to note that DC Billy Davis Is Magic

> Biggers with a deflection on a cross to Garcon, nice play by the DB

> Third and long figgie or better is a blitz for no effect, and Reed on the cross for 19

> LB Kiko Alonso with the blitz in name only, and we might as play Marcus Smith there, so long as we're going for worthless

> Reed cross for another score, Kendricks is nearly as bad as Alonso, honestly

> K Dustin Hopkins makes the PAT this time, and it's Slurs 13, Eagles 7

> Huff with a drop instead of a first down, because that's what he does

> 3rd and 8 and keep the game a game is the Slurs just rushing four, and Bradford throwing a perfect ball to WR Jeremy Matthews for 40

> Immense play when it comes to changing the game flow

> Tempo gets a timeout, then Sproles for two to end the first

> Sproles loses six on the toss sweep that fools or blocks no one

> 3rd and 14 for points or nothing is a sack where Peters can't even hold correctly, because he's either hurt or old or it doesn't matter any more, because it's over

> Jones to the 7 with the punt, and the defense that can't stop anything at least has field position and a modicum of rest

> Broken play as Cousins fumbles the snap, then Cousins to Garcon for four as the first contact actually gets the WR down

> Third and nine and have to get a stop has CB Street Meat Jaylen Watkins getting Garcon down; no pressure again, and I have no idea why the Slurs aren't force-feeding Jackson

> Trick return tried with Barner, who loses a yard and coughs it up after hitting the ground, and would have been flagged anyway, so Way To Scheme, Chip

> Murray for 8 on the world's worst screen, and it comes back with illegal formation by T Lane Johnson

> Another crappy procedure flag, this one by G Matt Tobin, and yeah, this is a well-coached team

> Murray for 10 with some yards after contact, then a yard as he tries to make something out of nothing, but can't make a cut

> Bradford with his first missed throw of the day misses a wide-open Ertz, and that would have tied the game

> Just can't have those kind of mistakes and missed opportunities for this kind of no margin for error team

> Jones to the Slur 8, they can end this with a score

> Cousins to Garcon for 15, and the QB has all day to throw even when the defense is supposedly fresh

> Running plays are gifts, especially with the Slurs' collection of plodding RBs

> Pro Bowl DT Fletcher Cox gets to the QB on good coverage on second down, nearly had the strip and gets the sack, and he's pretty much the only guy on the defense that could start for a good team

> Third and 14 is a missed sideline throw by Cousins and offensive holding, so it's still a game

> Sproles catches the 39 yard directional punt, and that's two stops in a row for the defense; need to take advantage of such unique behavior

> Mathews for nothing, throwing on early downs seems advised with this lack of protection

> Ertz for 17, then Celek off play action, recovers his own fumble, luckily

> Procedure penalty on tempo nullifies a bubble screen to Huff as an old ref takes a header

> Agholor drops an underthrown ball in the end zone, just plain inexcusable, and that's more points left on the board

> Mathews with a nice catch to get 12, the QB taking a lot of contact

> Agholor doesn't come up with a scramble ball on third, another good play by the QB for no gain

> K Caleb Sturgis connects from 33, and it's a 3-point game

> Slurs STs gift with a hold, so they start at their own 8 again

> DT Cedric Thornton does work, then RB Pierre Thomas loses to LB Connor Barwin on a screen

> 3rd and 10 and keep momentum is good coverage, then Cox to force a throwaway

> Lucky bad punt for 54, all net

> Ertz with the fumble with a review that shows otherwise, upheld as a fumble, so that's fun

> With the Slurs having the first possession of the second half, that's as bad of a turnover as you could have

> DC with an easy first as the stadium is deflated

> Reed for five as Alonso isn't strong enough to take him down by himself

> RB Alfred Morris for 8 up the gut, DC in firm control now

> Garcon can't get the second foot down against CB Eric Rowe, so the worst red zone defense in the league holds for a down

> Jenkins drops a possible pick, another play that Green needed to have

> Third and actually make a play is Garcon again, no flag on Rowe, and the lack of rushing plays gives the Eagles a chance at a matching score before the half, because Jay Gruden Also Eats Paste

> Hopkins connects from 28, and it's Slurs 16, Eagles 10

> Bounced check down to Sproles, Bradford with the miss

> Ertz for 7, then Sproles for 4 to move the chains, actually a huge play given that the Slurs still have two timeouts

> Ertz with a drop that might have helped, given it didn't take a timeout for 7 yards

> Peters beaten clean again for the sack, and if there is a bigger fraud in the Pro Bowl, I haven't seen it

> Sproles for 12 on the so obvious I called it before it happened checkdown screen to make the Slurs use their last time out

> Weak punt gives DC the ball at their own 29 with 29 seconds left; real chance of another three before the half

> Jackson for the 22 yard out that they needed, terrible defense

> Garcon walks the sideline to get it to the 24, setting up a possible killshot touchdown, because why guard the sidelines

> Delay of game against the defense when Thurmond obviously messes with the ball

> Weirdness with Cousins not spiking the ball, touching referee Walt Coleman on the head, and I have no idea what the blue hell is going on, other than it looks terrible

> Cousins takes a knee in the brain lock of the year, rather than spiking the ball, and the Slurs give up a chip shot field goal for no reason whatsoever

> Slurs 16, Eagles 10, and this division takes a bus that's getting shorter by the week

> Touchback, let's see if the defense can take gift momentum

> Morris for a yard, then Reed on the open cross for 15 as Barwin doesn't get there soon enough

> Thurmond on the not good enough blitz on first helps to force an incomplete, then Cox with a mush rush for his second sack as Cousins doesn't pull the trigger on a deep ball

> Cousins takes the checkdown to Thomas, and the defense gets off the field

> Sproles with the catch, but can't make three men miss; Green ball at their own 10

> Rain picks up as Bradford scrambles, connects with WR Riley Cooper for 42 yards, but the NFL's continuing mystery of what a catch is wastes another Eagle challenge, and Cooper shows how mad he is on the sideline in what we can only hope is his last action as a professional football player

> World's Worst Screen gets 7, but comes back on holding, and wow, This Team Is Badly Coached

> WR Jonathan Krause for the give up check down, and at least the blown review gives the ball back a little slower than usual

> Morris for a yard, then Reed works Thurmond for the first down

> Cousins takes another Cox hit on a throwaway, then Watkins drops a pick as Reed is off message with his QB

> 3rd and 10 and a big stop is a cross to Garcon as obvious holding isn't called, first down

> Jenkins stops Jackson for a bubble screen loss and lets him hear about it, because his team is winning and his coach/GM is a genius

> Cousins misses Jackson in the end zone, well covered by Watkins

> Third and force a long figgie in the rain is Thomas for the cotton-soft conversion against Alonso, who has to be considered one of Kelly's worst personnel whiffs, Which Is Saying Something In A World With Miles Austin, DeMarco Murray, Matt Sanchez, Brandon Maxwell and Nelson Agholor

> Garcon for four, a Kendricks deflection, and third and yet another chance is a simple cross to RB Chris Thompson for Cousins' third score of the game

> Alonso is really good at staring at people while they score, and might be attempting to develop telekinetic powers, rather than coverage ability

> Huff with a good kickoff return adds a small amount of life

> Murray for 13 on play action, defense didn't cover him for either play

> Murray for 12, defense selling out to passing, then Ertz for 15

> Bradford misses a wide open Agholor, who would have dropped it anyway

> Ertz for three, and it's third down and 7 at the 8, in what might be four down territory

> Murray gets in the end zone as Philadelphia erupts in what has to be considered as delighted surprise, in that it's still somehow a game

> Slurs 23, Eagles 17

> Cousins tries WR Ryan Grant on an out for a drop, then takes Thomas for five

> 3rd and 5 and keep the momentum is Biggers with a deflection against Garcon, and a massive stop

> Sproles fumbles a 57 yard punt, but gets on it; looks like a missed opportunity, but in the rain, that kind of thing happens

> Dropped snap, bad throw to Murray, just glad that play ended

> 8 yards for Murray, who looks invigorated, but then...

> 3rd and 2 and gotta have it is a toss sweep to Murray, who boots it for a Slurs defensive touchdown and the official end of the 2015 season

> Terrible play call, terrible execution

> I have no earthly idea why you'd call a toss sweep to the slowest RB on the roster, when you need just two yards, after putting the ball on the ground two out of the last three plays, and have actually been having some success on middle runs in tempo

> Slurs 30, Eagles 17

> Ertz twice for 9 yards, then Huff to move the chains on a play that's smarter than a toss sweep in the rain, so Kelly's learning, folks

> Bradford for four as the Slur pressure picks up, then the defense kills tempo because why not

> Throwaway on second down, then Ertz drops what should have been a first down

> Morris for three as Kendricks has bad technique, then Grant for 24 as holding isn't called and LB DeMecco Ryans can't cover

> End of the third, Slurs 30, Eagles 17, and the stadium is emptying for cause

> First down for the toss sweep, and it's a good thing that Kelly built this team with character guys, because otherwise that would look like First Class Quitting

> Thomas for 1 as NFLN decides we need to know more about the Washington coaching staff

> Another first on a cotton soft throw to Thomas, and there's absolutely no fight left in Green

> DT Beau Allen with the loss of one, and at least DC won't have enough time to rack up embarrassing rushing totals

> Thomas for 14 as Kiko Alonso Can't Play Football

> 9, 4, and it's hard to care about a game when the defense doesn't

> Jackson doesn't track a touchdown against Jenkins, just late on the back shoulder

> 3rd and just end our misery is Cousins to Garcon for the score as I laugh out loud at S Walt Thurmond biting on a double move on third and goal, because Garcon is certain to try to score on a checkdown from the 8

> I have never seen a dumber or less motivated defense, and I go back to pre-Dick Vermeil Eagles teams

> Cousins to Jamison Crowder for the coup d'etat 2-pointer, and if there has been a play more lightly defensed in NFL history, I haven't seen it

> Slurs 38, Eagles 17 with eight minutes left

> Bradford to Ertz, then takes a sack, then Sproles for 7

> On fourth and two, down 3 scores with 8 minutes left, the Eagles were going to punt, because Kelly wanted to get out of the rain faster

> After the injury timeout, Kelly reconsiders, and Bradford to Sproles moves the chains

> Ertz for 13, then Agholor for 17, and DC Don't Care

> Illegal shift wipes 7 off the board for Ertz, annoying his fantasy owners

> Barner drops a screen, because he's an Oregon Character Guy and we've got to show that Murray isn't the only flaming turd of a RB on the roster

> Ertz for 8, then Bradford makes three guys miss before missing Matthews

> NFLN noticing that Green has no tempo, because No One Cares

> 4th and 7 to Matthews gets it to the 12, in one of those Bradford Has A Chance To Be Good Throws

> Strip sack, C Jason Kelce runs through three guys for a gain after a fumble recovery, and that was kind of fun

> Bradford to Ertz, can't do a one handed catch at the back of the end zone

> Matthews on the cross and scores, because he's really good at getting in the end zone at the end of blowouts while looking pissed off

> Slurs 38, Eagles 24 with 4:34 left

> Wildly easy onside kick recovered by the Slurs, with Garcon doing the honors

> Two runs, two timeouts, just to prove Kelly still cares

> A stop on third and 4, just to prove the defense still cares a little

> Matthews for 6 yards, clock running because a tempo team needs to move slowly

> Sproles for 14 on the world's worst screen, which finally works

> Sproles for 5, Ertz for 8, then a sack with a face mask flag

> Barner loses 7 on a terrible screen, and that's the 2-minute warning

> Matthews for 12 as DC just keeps letting clock burn

> Barner drops a pass in the flat, which would have been a first down and out of bounds

> Fourth and five and stop the fantasy garbage points is a tipped crossing pass, and that's that

> For the second straight year, DeSean Jackson's team ended Chip Kelly, not that we expect the dear little idiot to notice such details

> This might have been the least satisfying year in Eagles history, which is again, a true accomplishment

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