Thursday, December 10, 2015

Let's All Eat Paste: Ladies and Gentleman, Your Philadelphia Sports Media

Num, Num
So the laundry has a relevant game this weekend, against all odds. They play against an erratic but potent Bills team at home, and if they can somehow win this game, they could easily take the lead in their terrible division, given how every other team has a road game, and none of them are more favored to win than they are. (To be fair, none of these teams are favored to win. It's the NFC lEast, after all.)

Now, you'd expect a fair amount of wanky reporting, what with LeSean McCoy getting a Vengeance Game, and the media doing nothing more than covering this angle by asking him and Chip Kelly about that aspect of the game, well, incessantly. But there are other things to talk about here. Actual football things, even?

Nope! Instead, it's dwelling on replacement RB / Free Agent Disaster DeMarco Murray's post-benching pout and pule to owner Jeffrey Lurie on the plane ride back from New England. Post-victory and in the presence of more than enough people who were willing to sell Murray down the river on this, it's yet another misstep from a guy who has seemed too slow to make this many of them. But RB Ryan Mathews is said to be back from the concussion protocol, and RB Darren Sproles and Kenjon Barner both looked better than Murray last week, so who cares, right? We could actually still be talking about other aspects of Actual Game, right, and save how terrible Murray's dead money against the cap is for some other day, right?

Here, I'll start. Maybe this could be the game where LB Kiko Alonso actually stops playing scared and tries to actually, well, impress someone, seeing how that's his old laundry over there. Bills QB Tyrod Taylor has a strong arm, is mobile, and was a camp casualty of Kelly with his Sideshow Tebow fetish; maybe he has Vengeance on his mind as well. (He'd also clearly be the best QB on the roster for Kelly's offense, assuming you think the read option isn't just something you use in theory.) WR Sammy Watkins has had big explosion games before, which makes him officially worrisome for the Eagles secondary, who have been savaged by true WR1s. While the defense has had good moments against TEs, Charles Clay is talented, and the Bills use him more than most. That could be a good test as well. RB Karlos Williams has been as good as McCoy.

For Green, TE Zach Ertz finally scored a touchdown last week, and might be ready to finally have one of those games that his size and speed says should happen. WR Jeremy Matthews was good last week in NE, and WR Riley Cooper made two big plays in the fourth quarter last week. The Bills STS can be had, and their pass rush hasn't been as good as expected. Mathews is back, and averaging over 6 yards a carry; maybe he can hold up to 20+ carries and will them to a big effort. Honestly, this is kind of an intriguing game, and if the Eagles play well, it would go a long way towards securing that first round playoff loss that would convince dumb people that Kelly's got a handle on this.

Instead, it's all Murray, McCoy and Kelly, in a full-on circle jerk of who hates who, who should shake who's hand, who should just STFU and collect his money or maybe give it back, with Dallas making a sucker trade because overpaid blown-out slow 28-year-old RBs just have loads of trade value, and so on, and so on.

It's an absolute train wreck of stupid, dealing with guys who aren't even the most likely to have an impact on who wins and who loses. And it's not going to end for another 3.5 days. Just kill me now.

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