Sunday, February 7, 2016

Top 20 Super Bowl Takeaways

More Interesting Than Game
20) If we learned nothing else from this game, it should be that it wasn't held anywhere close to San Francisco, or interesting

19) Von Miller is a free agent this off-season, and about to install a Scrooge McDuck vault in his basement

18) Ron Rivera punted while down 14 with 2:08 left, because he really wanted to make sure his team was healthy for September

17) Phil Simms buried Cam Newtown for not diving for a fumble late in the game, in ways that only felt unseemly because Phil Simms never buries white QBs for, well, anything

16) Mike Carey blew his only chance to comment on the officiating, which is to say, the sun rose in the east

15) The last time the Super Bowl was this dull, Tony Siragusa got a sideline job for ten years and counting

14) Carolina finished the game 17-2, and without a single WR that you can imagine they'd like to start 2016 with

13) If this game was held in August, you'd have been amazed at how sloppy it was

12) Just think how good Denver's defense would have been if Aqib Talib hadn't had a million penalty yards

11) We all knew Carolina was doomed as soon as Jonathan Stewart scored and didn't give the ball to a kid

10) The MVP relay run with the trophy in the post-game gained more yards than the Denver passing game

9) Vernon Davis can now retire as a World Champion, or more likely, get cut as one

8) Evan Mathis couldn't play for Chip Kelly, but he can slip on a Super Bowl ring

7) Shockingly, the team that won the Super Bowl turns out to have the best fans in the NFL

6) The most athletic moment in the game might have been when Beyonce recovered from a backwards fall in heels to stay upright

5) Finally, Trent Dilfer has a Super Bowl winning QB performance he can look down on

4) Temple University's own Brandon McManus felt cheated when his 10 points didn't take down the MVP, or make everyone forget about where Bill Cosby went to school

3) Jerry Jones couldn't pay DeMarcus Ware, preferring to have Greg Hardy, which meant that Ware got a ring

2) Peyton Manning showed more footspeed in ducking retirement questions than he did the Panther pass rush

1) This game should serve as proof, not that anyone needed it, that the NFL should not allow CBS to televise games

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