Tuesday, March 22, 2016

The Atlanta Braves Are Trying To Kill Their Patrons

This Is Not Right
You are looking live at the Burgerizza, a $26 thumb in the eye of evolution, sanity, and the idea of a non-ironic death.

You can buy this thing. Not in a strange sado-masochistic food dungeon, where some gimp does a Gordon Ramsey impersonation while he tries to role-play force feeding you until your heart explodes, but in broad daylight, in an MLB park. Atlanta, actually.

And I know what you are thinking: so close to Florida! We almost had a wonderful new tool for mayhem! But alas, Georgia Is On Your Mind And More Likely Your EKG Machine, because the current trend in baseball is for 30 teams to try to out-do each other with Bad Idea Food Combos.

From a burger with Krispy Kreme for buns to weightlifter levels of hot dog, baseball has embraced the idea that not only should you regard taking in a game live as rare due to its exceptional cost, both from a pure dollar and years off your life level.

And I get why Death By Bite will be preferable to the upcoming Rebuilding Year in Atlanta, especially as the team is in full Not Trying Mode until they get their new lily-white yard in the burbs... but at what point, honestly, does the pendulum swing back on nonsense like this, and an MLB team gets hit with a class action lawsuit, under roughly the same justification that worked out against Big Tobacco?

Yeah, I know... never. Because 'Murica. Pass the antacids.

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