Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Week 12 NFL Picks: Thanks For Nothing

I suppose this is the heart of ingratitude, and just asking the Universe to smite me and my loved ones down, but I don't see much to like about this year. So let's just get to the picks and try to use the time.

And with that... on to the picks!

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Minnesota at DETROIT (-2.5)

The Lions are the best team in a very sorry division, and are going to the playoffs. Where they will lose, of course, because LOL Detroit.

Lions 27, Vikings 17

Washington at DALLAS (-7)


Trump won, Bowie and Prince and way too many other people died, and the Universe is giving me Cowboys-Patriots, the Super Bowl of my nightmares. Couldn't Kirk Cousins smash his head into a wall, Gus Frerotte style, and give me something nice to think about?

Cowboys 31, Racial Slurs 20

PITTSBURGH (-9) at Indianapolis


The line has moved, correctly, since QB Andrew Luck has hit the concussion protocol; Scott Tolzien is likely to get the start. This just in -- he's not good. It's way past time for the Steelers to show the home offense on the road.

Steelers 41, Colts 20

TENNESSEE (-5) at Chicago


Bears weren't deep, then everyone got hurt, and may be the worst team in the NFL right now. The Titans will take advantage.

Titans 26, Bears 13

JACKSONVILLE (+7.5) at Buffalo


Jags are getting back to their old garbage time back door cover best, and the Bills aren't disciplined enough, or deep enough at the skill positions, to run off and hide.

Bills 26, Jaguars 24

CINCINNATI (+4.5) at Baltimore


Without WR AJ Green and RB Gio Bernard, many will think the Bengals are DOA in this division match-up. I think they'll get a big game out of RB Jeremy Hill and win, in a bit of a shocker.

Bengals 24, Ravens 20

Arizona at ATLANTA (-4)


Falcons are coming off the bye, and the Cards just look snakebit this year. Also, they can't pass block. That's not good when your QB is ancient and turnover prone.

Falcons 31, Cardinals 24

GIANTS (-7) at Cleveland


I don't trust the Browns to win a game this year, and really don't expect to see a cover, either. Hell of a year you've got going, Browns Fan. I'm also still bitter about the NBA rigging the Finals last year, and preventing the decades-long narrative we had of your town as the year-long Factory of Sadness. Guess football will have to carry the load for everything.

Giants 27, Browns 17

LA Rams at NEW ORLEANS (-7)


Rookie QB Jared Goff couldn't do squat at home in his first start, and that was with a lead for most of the game. On the road in a loud dome, I think he's a hot mess. The Saints aren't a mess, especially at home.

Saints 34, Rams 20

San Francisco at MIAMI (-8)


I hate having to float such big lines, but the Niners are just a dead team walking, and the Dolphins have to feel energized after last week's escape from LA. Especially with the bad Niner run defense.

Dolphins 28, Niners 16

San Diego at HOUSTON (+1.5)


Chargers are battered, Texans need the win after the MNF fail, and the defense looks like it's coming together a bit.

Texans 20, Chargers 17

SEATTLE (-5.5) at Tampa


Seahawks are starting to put it together, especially on the offensive line and in the running game. Against a Bucs team that will be feeling too good about themselves after winning in KC, and can't win at home, they'll get it done.

Seahawks 24, Bucs 17

Carolina at OAKLAND (-3.5)


Wrong game to be missing heart and soul LB Luke Kuechly, and the right game for the Raiders to get back to pancaking people with the running game.

Raiders 27, Panthers 17

NEW ENGLAND (-8) at NY Jets


Yes, this game is always close, and yes, the home team has more talent than they've shown. But the Patriot defense might score against the perpetually wacky Jets, and I'm not sure if the defense gives up points outside of garbage time.

Patriots 34, Jets 20

KANSAS CITY (+3.5) at Denver


Just not seeing the Broncos doing enough on offense to win this one. My KC love is being tested.

Chiefs 24, Broncos 23

Green Bay at PHILADELPHIA (-3.5)


The Packers just don't defend anyone (to be fair, everyone's hurt), and the Eagles have been much better at home. Add in the need for the Eagle DL to prove themselves after last week's confetti bucket job by the Seahawks, and I think this one goes for the home team. Maybe with a charity touchdown for World's Worst WR Nelson Agholor. Also, they survive the back door cover attempt.

Eagles 34, Packers 30

Last week: 8-6

Year: 65-91-4

Career: 824-842-53

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