Sunday, February 5, 2017

Gift and Re-Gift

In Falcon Red!
The last time the NE Patriots won a Super Bowl, it was on a last minute pick that was judged, correctly in the moment and for all eternity afterward, as a monumental coaching blunder. Instead of just running it with the red-hot Marshawn Lynch against a gassed defensive front, Seattle threw a cross, Malcolm Butler made a play, and we had one of the most astounding escape wins of recent NFL history.

Tonight's exercise in buffoonery won't be as well remembered, because it happened with three minutes left, but it was as remarkable and ill-conceived. After a catch for the ages by WR Julio Jones, the Falcons were in easy field goal position while up 8. Instead of using a running game that worked all night, they.. chose to throw. And took a back-breaking sack, then a holding penalty, then an incomplete, leading to a punt. Which gave NE the ball back, down 8, against a defense that dominated for much of the first three quarters, but simply ran out of gas, the way defenses do when they are out there for most of the game. NE's avalanche continued apace, and Tom Brady and Bill Belichick now have five Super Bowl rings. Boston Fan also gets to be twice as insufferable as they were before (twice infinity? they are up to the task), since they now have the biggest MLB comeback and the biggest NFL comeback.

At this point, I'm ready to renounce football, folks... AND I PICKED THE PATRIOTS TO DO EXACTLY THIS, in that young teams in the Super Bowl behave like idiots, and teams that face The Hoodie do this even more. Damned near every time, honestly.

So that will be, Lord willing and the river don't flood, the last time on this here blog that I will talk about this game for a good long while, because I just can't, really. Sports is supposed to be an escape from depression and disappointment and predictability; when it's all of those things and more, maybe I need to go take up pottery or something. (Don't worry, I'm still totally an NBA mark, and haven't learned my lesson for when Golden State spits the bit against some Gritty People.)

But before this goes to bed, one final word... how much of an idiot did you have to be to think that something (well, something other than Boston Fan booing and having Public Butthurt, because Public Butthurt even in your moment of most improbable joy is important, because Boston Fan cares more about Butthurt than anything) was going to happen in the Roger Goodell trophy pass? Dude eats feces for a *living*, and a very well paid living, from NFL owners in private meetings. He was hired for that. The other 31 NFL owners pushed him to go Moral Oral on you for your cheating ways; he's just their mouthpiece. The idea that he was going to give you some Villain Comeuppance moment when he gave the hardware ever... Jebus.

You people aren't just the worst, you are fracking idiots. Congrats on moaning your way through the greatest dynasty in modern times!

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